Sometimes, I feel like the world is moving without me. It doesn’t help that I live in a different country to some of my closest friends, but I get wrapped up in it quite often. I obsess over the things I’m missing out on or the people I’m not able to spend as much time with. And I’ll admit it, I get upset with God about it. I remember when some friends were graduating from high school and I missed their ceremonies being very upset and really questioning God about it. I was confused as to why I had these wonderful people in my life and I was missing out on time I could spend with them. Another time I was upset I couldn’t be performing with my old dance team and wondered why those opportunities were taken from me.
These are all things I used to take for granted, I will admit. Knowing that only hurt me more. But, the point of this post is not for me to list my problems or complain about my life. The point is that I have since learned a lot from these moments.
God will provide all the calm I need to feel in that moment if I turn to Him (if being the key word in that sentence). If I try to manage my feelings on my own and just continue to feel upset, I don’t feel any better at the end of it. I’ve dealt with doing this for a long time now and I still haven’t completely resolved it. But, I have learned over time that I can’t always solve my own problems and that I 100000% need God’s help to get through the day.
Knowing all of this, I’ll admit I still struggle with these feelings of being upset with God. I got the opportunity to go back home this summer and spend a lot of time with friends who I had missed. I had the best time and made some great memories, but of course, I had to leave them again and it is always devastating. Even so, God has reminded me that it won’t be the last time I see these people. I can be filled with this sense of calm knowing I can and will see these people again and every time we are together, it feels as though no time has passed.
I’m sure these feelings will emerge again at some point, because I’m not perfect. All I need to know is that God is present in those moments and He can help me through them. I don’t need to try and fix it alone. He will provide all the calm I need.